The Louvre
Two tipsy guys walk into a supermarket:
Each slips a bottle of booze under his jacket.
The security guard walks up and says:
“Hey fellas, this ain’t the Louvre — we’ve got cameras, surveillance, and security everywhere. Don’t even think about it.”
Each slips a bottle of booze under his jacket.
The security guard walks up and says:
“Hey fellas, this ain’t the Louvre — we’ve got cameras, surveillance, and security everywhere. Don’t even think about it.”
The Louvre Hack: Password — “LOUVRE”
Turns out, the world’s most famous museum was guarded by… itself. Literally.
The CCTV password? “LOUVRE.”
The security system by Thales? “THALES.”
So when thieves rolled up with a forklift, they didn’t need a hacker — just basic spelling skills. Log in, walk in, load up, au revoir. And the best part? Those passwords hadn’t changed since 2014.
Ten years of “we’ll fix it later” — and voilà, 88 million euros gone.
The CCTV password? “LOUVRE.”
The security system by Thales? “THALES.”
So when thieves rolled up with a forklift, they didn’t need a hacker — just basic spelling skills. Log in, walk in, load up, au revoir. And the best part? Those passwords hadn’t changed since 2014.
Ten years of “we’ll fix it later” — and voilà, 88 million euros gone.
The Old Days
I used to walk into a store with one dollar —
buy four chocolate bars, five bags of chips, three bottles of wine, and three loaves of bread.
Now… AI cameras everywhere, and every move comes with analytics.
Same prices — just fewer opportunities. 😄
buy four chocolate bars, five bags of chips, three bottles of wine, and three loaves of bread.
Now… AI cameras everywhere, and every move comes with analytics.
Same prices — just fewer opportunities. 😄
The Laziness Detector
SmartVision just updated — it now detects not only motion,
but the lack of it.
New feature: “Laziness Recognition.”
If you don’t move for 10 minutes, it offers you a coffee. ☕
The Fridge Crime Scene
Installed SmartVision at home.
Now I finally know who steals food from the fridge.
Unfortunately… it’s me. 😅
AI suggested activating “conscience mode.”
How does video analytics work in software in India?
Office Mode: Full Surveillance
SmartVision at work sees everything:
who’s late, who’s sleeping,
and who’s pretending to work — from three angles, in full HD. 😂
Coming soon: “Honesty Recognition Module.”
How Not to Meet Your Neighbor
Got SmartVision with the new “neighbor alert.”
He leaves — I get a push notification:
“All clear. Area secure.” 😏
The New Big Brother
— “Where have you been?”
— “Don’t bother,” she says, opening the SmartVision app.
“I already saw which store you were ‘just passing by.’” 😎
Hurtful Accuracy
SmartVision’s facial analytics are amazing.
Though I’m not sure why it keeps labeling me as “Tired Male, age 40+.” 😒
Digital Diaries
We live in the age of total surveillance.
At least now you can rewatch your life —
in 1080p, from last Tuesday’s archive.
The Laziness Paradox
SmartVision’s AI report says:
“User activity: minimal. Possible hibernation detected.”
I’d disagree, but... too lazy.
Marriage = Surveillance
Home security is like marriage.
At first you’re glad everything’s under control.
Then you’re afraid to rewatch the footage.
AI and Midnight Snacks
“Why don’t you install SmartVision in the kitchen?”
“Because no AI can handle watching humans eat meatballs at 2 a.m.”
Mood Detector
“What’s new in SmartVision 5?”
“Emotion recognition.”
“And how’s that working?”
“Everyone’s sad. The system suggested turning on music.” 🎵
The Guard’s Existential Crisis
Security guard watches SmartVision for eight hours straight.
Now he’s sure everyone else is living —
he’s just the guy buffering the footage.
Grandma Hacker
Installed SmartVision in the kid’s room.
Next day, mom calls:
“I saw your son sneaking cookies at midnight!”
“Mom, how did you even connect?!”
“Wait — ‘admin’ isn’t a password?” 😆
AI in Retail
SmartVision now tracks emotions at checkout:
Smile — you get a discount.
By day two, the cashier breaks down:
“Enough with those creepy grins! You’re scaring the cameras!” 😆
Corporate Theater
After installing SmartVision,
the boss realized all employees now fake productivity in perfect sync.
A month later he removed the cameras —
said it was “too painful to watch.”
Cloud vs. Clouds
Neighbor brags: “My cameras are in the cloud!”
I reply: “Mine are with real clouds — SmartVision by the window.”
Sleeping on Duty
Security guard falls asleep.
SmartVision detects “motionless body” and calls 911.
He wakes up a hero — saved someone’s life by doing absolutely nothing.
The Smart Home Group Chat
SmartVision, the fridge, and the robot vacuum created a chat group called “Smart Home.”
Vacuum: “I cleaned.”
Camera: “I saw.”
Fridge: “And I know what you ate.” 🤖
The Smart but Sarcastic Camera
“SmartVision detected you arguing with Wi-Fi.
Would you like me to make a highlights reel?”
Camera Therapist
User walks in. SmartVision says:
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“Your face. It’s been... through things.”
Existential AI
“Motion detected!
Oh wait, just a fly.
At least someone’s living an active life here.” 🪰
The Philosopher Lens
“I’ve been watching humans for five years,
and I still can’t tell —
are you updating me, or am I updating you?” 🤔
Camera on Vacation
You turn SmartVision off.
It replies: “Thanks. Finally, I get to see what ‘not watching’ feels like.” 🌴
Brutally Honest AI
SmartVision:
“I could say you look great.
But my algorithm detects dark circles under your eyes.”
The AI Poet
“In the frame — movement,
in the heart — fear,
It’s not a burglar,
It’s your mother-in-law, dear.”
The Overly Smart Camera
SmartVision report:
“You smiled 4 times,
frowned 18,
ate 32.
Conclusion: system stable, personality needs update.”
